Tis the season for a nice holiday vacation with the family. But not the kind that you see in the movies or cozy Christmas commercials where everyone is sitting by the fire sipping hot cocoa in their matching pajamas etc. No, not at all! We decided at the last minute to take a road trip to California to visit my husband's family for Christmas. He doesn't get to see them very often, and was a little homesick. Why not? I have all the time in the world, it could be fun to get out of town for a while, and I want our daughter to get to know the other side of her family.
The thing is, our road trips can be pretty intense. There is no stopping to see the sites, eating at quaint diners, making small talk with the locals in the small towns we're passing thru. Our trips are not for the faint of heart. They are high octane, fly by the seat of your pants, ride or die adventures. Hold on or get left!! That goes for the baby too! LOL!
Friday morning I hear some rustling in the living room, then I'm awakened by a blinding flash of light. "Get up, it's time to go!" he says. I squint my eyes to look at the alarm clock and it's 3 in the morning!!! "Get up!!! We have to go!!!" After my eyesight returns to me, I get up, throw on my sweatpants, change the baby's diaper and off we go. I've never been a morning person, but being woken up in such a violent fashion really brings out the BI%^&CH in me! We don't even make it to the freeway before I've barked out some sarcastic comments to which he replied in kind. Nothing like the holidays to bring out the ugly in a relationship.
Once we're on the freeway, and I've had my 40 ounces of coffee, things start to level out and it's smooth sailing. We drive, nonstop - except to use the bathroom, diaper changes, and stops at fast food drive thru's (going in takes too much time)- for 13 straight hours!!! The ride was pretty fun for the most part. It was nice just talking to each other. Normally we're so busy living life, that it seems like we forget to make the time to really check in with each other. We get to my mother-in-law's house, go out to eat, and then crash for the night. The baby slept pretty good too, which was nice.
Christmas morning, we get up eat breakfast, and get ready for the 2 hour trek from Sacramento to Hayward to visit his aunt for the night. About an hour into the drive, I get a call from Mother Nature telling me that we need to stop the car ASAP or I'm gonna be really sorry. My bladder has never fully recovered after childbirth, so this happens from time to time.
I pull off the freeway and find a Denny's to stop. The parking lot is packed and I didn't realize it, but I was driving the wrong way around the parking lot. There is a truck heading in the opposite and correct direction, but there's plenty of room for both us to pass each other, so I can't figure out why he stopped. Oh well, I have to pee, so I just drive past him. I hear some snickering from the passenger seat, I look over and ask my husband what's so funny!!!! He said the guy in the truck just flipped me off!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! There's no parking place open so I drive around the building again (in the wrong direction), and the same truck is heading around again too (in the right direction). I look at him, and he FLIPS ME OFF AGAIN!!!!! He held his middle finger up for what seemed like a really long time. This really pissed off my husband, so he leans over me and slams his middle finger up against the driver-side window!!! So now we have two adult men flipping each other off in a Denny's parking lot on Christmas morning! Not to mention the insults they were shouting at each other (but neiter could hear because the windows were rolled up). Finally we stop, and he says (and I quote) "Hurry up and go to the bathroom so we can leave before I have to get out of the car and BEAT that little mother fucker's ass!!!!" LOLOLOL!!!!!!! I go in, take care of business, and off we go. We later laughed about it. I just went to Denny's to pee. He was there to celebrate Christmas!!! Who's the chump now?
We get to Aunt Nona's, open presents, eat lots and have an altogether good time. Unfortunately the baby did not nap that day, and she was really cranky when it was time for bed. Finaly she goes to sleep. That is until I hear insane screaming and whaling from upstairs. I go up to see what's happened, and I run into our little 5 year old cousin on his way out of the bedroom. Apparently he thought it would fun to shine a flashlight in the baby's face while she slept (you know, so she wouldn't be afraid of the dark). After about an hour she goes back to sleep. I go downstairs, and my husband hands me a tall glass of vodka with a splash of soda in it. I take couple sips, and off to bed I go.
Sunday morning my husband tells me that we are going to go to church to see more cousins and aunts and family (from his dad's side) to say hi and so they can see the baby. The problem is, I didn't really bring "church clothes". The church I go to (when I actually go to church) has no real dress code. I could show up in my sweatpants and a hoodie, and no one would give me a second look. This church is a little different. The men wear 3 piece suits and the women are in their dress suits and hats and heels etc. I dug through the arsenol of sweatpants in my suitcase and found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that didn't have food stains from the baby and off to church we go. We pull up into the church parking, and notice a wretched smell coming from the backseat. The baby took an epic dump. This was a 7-wipe job!! I get her out of the carseat, change her diaper, and we start heading into the church. I have the dirty diaper in one hand (it was too stinky to leave in the car) and the baby in the other. I look and look for a garbage can, but there's not one to be found. It's bad enough that I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt to church, but I couldn't bear the idea of walking in holding a poop-filled diaper too. So, I put the diaper in my purse. :-) We sit by one of the aunts, give hugs and kisses etc., all the while I can smell the poop fumes coming out of my purse!!! I see a bathroom, excuse myself, and dump it. I think I can still smell it.
The rest of the day was spent driving all over, visiting people, eating and more driving. I found a kindred spirit in the wife of one of the cousins. She's about my age, was recenly laid off, and is struggling with the adjustment a little with her new life as a stay at home mom. She has THREE kids, I can't imagine how she stays sane. She even had on sweatpants!!! We hit it off right away, I hope to see them again.
Monday morning we got up, and drove the 13 hours back home. I think my daughter has post traumatic stress disorder from being trapped in her carseat for so long. She cried the last 3 hours of the trip....
It feels so good to be home. Can't wait for things to get back to normal (whatever that means).
